Get Your Ex Back

The process of healing after a breakup is a difficult one to deal with. Often, it is on you and also on your ex lover. There are an abundance of strong feelings and emotions whizzing around and the act of healing after a break up does require a huge amount of mental strength and purpose.

Now, this may seem frightening at first, particularly with that huge void in your heart. It’s not easy to fill that gaping hole. It’s at times like these when nothing else seems to be important. Everything seems unimportant or rubbish. Your favorite television programs aren’t hitting the spot anymore. You turn on the radio and you either hear songs that remind you of your time with each other or songs about broken relationships. Remember though, you are not the first person to go through this and you will not be the last. Both yourself and your partner (should you still care about him/her) will get through this and will move forward whether it be both of you going your individual ways or perhaps you feel that the relationship can be salvaged?

When you find that you are faced with the prospect of trying to heal the pain after a breakup, it can help to follow the following steps.

First of all, you should not contain your emotions. Do not bottle up the pain. One cannot go through life without pain. When you break up with a long-term partner, the pain feels similar to that you experience when coping with the death of a loved one. Feeling hurt and feeling pain are unavoidable, therefore it is okay to break down a little and cry as needed. It can help to note things down, it may help to shout…you should do whatever is needed to let all of the pain out and move on.

Once you have reached a state of calm, you are ready for the next step. You should try to weigh things up and try and find out where you and your ex are in the relationship. This is important in order for you and your partner to make the right decision. It is time to think about whether the relationship is truly over. Has it been irrevocably damaged? Or is it possible to save the relationship? Do you want to fight to save it? This is something that you and your ex partner need to come to terms with.

Now the third step. If you have decided that the relationship is over, a bit of essential maintenance is required. This includes obtaining articles of clothing, cosmetics, cds and any other possessions you value that you have left at the other’s home and vice versa. This kind of negotiation and separation is to ensure that nothing is left as an emotional timebomb later on in your lives. You should avoid spending time with each other, even if in the company of mutual friends. Once the two of you have completely separated, you should perform a finalizing ritual. This is a symbolic event which will involve creating an effigy of your ex and then destroying it. For instance, you could burn one of their letters, their photo, throw away their leftover property (make sure they no longer want it of course – this is to make you feel better, not to antagonize your ex), or delete their files off your computer and so on. This symbolic gesture is for your benefit.

At this time, you should use whatever support that is available to you. This can be in the form of friends, family, and other loved ones who can provide a shoulder to cry on. Even though you have done what you can to soften the blow of the break up, you will still face turbulence. As a result you will need all of the help you can get as you are healing after a break up.

If on the other hand, you have decided that the relationship is worth saving, you need to take a different course of action. You need to develop a positive mindset, you need to think about what it was that attracted you to each other in the first place and work on re-lighting that fire.

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